Monday, June 6, 2011

How 'Bout This Weather?

I’ve been on a Kings of Leon and Blue October kick of late.

I think the weather is bringing me down.

It’s June.  I should be wearing sundresses and sandals, right?

No.

I’m wearing jeans and long-sleeved shirts. 

Plus, my anxiety is reaching an all-time high (which is really saying something).  Friday I was so anxious that I thought maybe the weather was making me depressed.  Then I realized I don’t feel depressed (I can tell because it’s a sensation I am far too familiar with).  I’m generally really happy.  I just can’t catch my breath and sometimes want to cry for no reason at all. 

This means that I have to go to the doctor soon-ish.  So I can (once again) get hopped up on anti-anxiety meds. 

And I have to go to the lady doctor this month so she can deal with my birth control situation.

Birth control blows.  (I feel like I've said that before...)

But not being on it increases my anxiety.  Not because I’m having sex, but because I never remember to write down when my last period was, so I freak out that it’s late because I’m afraid that somehow rogue sperm from God-knows-where may have randomly just up and wandered into my vagina. 

Even when it’s not late; I just have no idea when I last had my period.

Yes.  I am that crazy.

The problem is that I never have good results from my birth control anymore.  The pills make me sick, crazy, gain weight, and/or they make my boobs bigger.  Which is definitely NOT something I want from my birth control.  I already have enough trouble finding bras in my size that I actually like. 

I guess I could just make one appointment.

Because if I drink Jack Daniels to curb my anxiety, birth control is obviously more important.

7 comments:

  1. i feel the same about birth control and i hate it...i can never find a good one ever never never i have gotten to the point of giving up

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  2. Ditto. I think the one I'm on now has been causing yeast infections. If my doctor comes up with an awesome solution, I'll mention it. Otherwise, I might be going au naturale for a while.

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  3. Ugh, medical drama is so lame.
    I hate all birth control. I seriously have had no luck whatsoever. What I am considering doing now is making an effort to track my period on a calendar and taking a whole shit ton of herbal remedies to keep me feeling healthy. Eh, do what I can, right?

    Also, about this anxiety...I think we are on the same wavelength here. I have no idea where it even comes from, I just get these waves of nerve-related nausea or sweaty handed panic attacks. I'm uninsured though, so not sure I'll be getting anything for that. Except tonic water. Someone told me tonic water is a muscle relaxer and if you mix it with some juice, it relaxes your whole body. Let's try that, eh?

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  4. I nearly died of laughter at your rouge sperm comment. Truly an original. Do sperm scare you? I am sure the idea of getting pregnant isn't that appealing to you. Nor to many women, unless they are child starved. On an awkward personal note regarding contraception (in comparison hardly awkward to some topics we have discussed), I really dislike condoms. The feel of having plastic around the wiener cutting circulation and lessening sensation really takes away from the experience, but I suppose pregnancy must be avoided at all costs. It's like a fucking water balloon wrapped around a hot dog with a rubber band. I hate them.

    I am not so sure Jack Daniels is a good substitute for anti-anxiety medication, but I will admit, do what works best for you.

    If you blogged about how beautiful the weather was outside, and how happy you are right now; I doubt anyone would comment. People like drama or at least funny rants. You certainly are the Queen of rants. May your PMS contribute to many more brilliant blog posts in the future.

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  5. @Patty-- Up until probably 21, I almost never had problems. After I turned 21 I started having tons of problems. I fully support herbal remedies. I grew up in a hippie house.

    I completely understand what you're talking about. This is also the first time I've had insurance since I was 20, so I'm trying to use and appreciate it while I can. It's really hard to not have it, especially when you get sick. You learn to deal with stuff without going to the doctor, though. Unless it's super necessary. There was a day during that swine flu bullshit that I called in sick at Payless because I had an obscenely high fever. To be able to go back to work, I had to drive ten minutes into town to urgent care (during a storm and with said fever), and pay $86 (more than the wages I would have made had I gone to work that day) in order to get a note saying I didn't have any of the symptoms of swine flu. It was stupid.

    @Anonymous-- Sperm themselves do not scare me. That would be silly. Pregnancy and children scare me. What guy doesn't hate condoms? I assume every sexually active man I have ever met hates condoms. For some reason, I feel as if you just pointed out that the sky is blue lol.

    I was joking. I definitely need the meds.

    I couldn't comment on how beautiful the weather was outside yesterday because it sucked. Generally I love the rain. I really do. But the weather we've had lately has really been bringing me down. Rainy days make me lethargic because I just want to read on the couch, but rainy days in June make me want to sleep for six days. Thanks? I'm sure there's someone in the world who hates things more than me. You just have to find them. :)

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  6. Actually, Sam doesn't mind the condoms, but that's because we get polyurethane ones that are nice and thin and don't break(knock on wood). Dong Quai is an awesome tea to use, also called Dong Qi or Tang Kuei(damn Chineses!!). But it's a very effective emmenagogue(note: means it helps you start your period NO MATTER WHAT.). There's a reason there's a warning on the back for pregnant women to NEVER DRINK IT. I always start drinking it around the time that I think my period should start, twice a day for a couple of days. It helps with cramps and such too. You can find it at Holiday Market and Orchard Health Supply. Sometimes they just label it as "Women's Health Tea" and has Dong Quai as well as other good things in it. I've feared the rogue sperm when sexually inactive once or twice myself. XD Hooray for paranoia.

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  7. I'll have to find some of that tea. I like tea anyway. And I looove Orchard.

    I don't even like condoms that much. But I figure that guys who don't want to use them have several options: they could have sex with someone else, they could not have sex, or they could wear a condom. All three of those options includes a subtext of: don't bitch at me about it because I don't really care.

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