Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Traffic Report.

This morning on my commute to work I got to see karma at work.  And between that and the fact that Colors of the Wind came on Pandora with enough time for me to hear the whole thing before getting to the office, my mood was set for the day.

During the first chunk of my drive to work I have to merge onto the 101 from a strange on-ramp; the on-ramp I use merges with another on-ramp from the street before mine and both merge onto 101 from the same lane.  It's very annoying, but there are lights that control the flow of traffic so it really could be much worse.

The karma action happened to the guy in the Jeep that was on the ramp behind me.  He was tailgating and revving his engine trying to intimidate the people in front of him so they would speed up.  Once he got behind me on the ramp I refused to speed up because I don't respond to intimidation techniques.  I'll pull over if I get tired of the bullshit, but otherwise I don't speed up for people that are trying to push me.  People just don't seem to understand that one car won't make a difference when you're already late for something, especially here.

Jeep merged onto the 101 in the middle of a line of cars before the line even dots.  Then he kept revving trying to get the black Lexus in front of him to speed up.  So the Lexus slowed down and let me over.

Then my favorite part happened.

There was a line of cars on the left preventing Jeep from moving over and zipping around.  He was stuck in another line of cars, trying to intimidate the dude in the Lexus to get him to move up the extra car length he left between his car and mine.  And Lexus slowed down a little more.  Just for good measure, just to be sure Jeep was stuck back there, wasting his gas like an idiot, until he got off the freeway two exits later.

Traffic sucks.  Everyone knows it.  But don't try to push your way through it like a dick.  You're not going to get there much faster, anyway.  I'd rather build up the good driving karma, just in case, because I have to merge A LOT and I don't like driving on the shoulder.

The moral of this story?

Don't be an asshole behind the wheel or some stodgy dude in a Lexus is going to box you in.  And I will love him for it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Target is Magic.

I just discovered that you can pay Target to schedule deliveries to your house.

As in, Target will deliver diapers.  To you.  At your house.

I'm assuming this is like a pizza delivery where you have to live close to the Target for them to do it.  You can't live 10 or more minutes out of town like I always did.  Which, by the way is awesome in almost every way but having pizza delivered.

It's funny because I've lived in town in apartments for the last few years and I very rarely have pizza delivered because it's kind of expensive and the pizza place is usually just a few blocks from me.  I don't even have to put real pants on to go pick it up if I don't want to (let's be honest, I pretty much never want to).  It's worth it to me to go pick it up.

Except when I lived out of town with my parents it was kind of an ordeal to go pick up pizza.  We'd practically draw straws over who was going to pick it up.  12 minutes there, 12 minutes back, and you'd have to time when you left perfectly or you had zero shot at remotely hot pizza.

And yet I'm still considering moving somewhere just a bit out of town again.

Because of the changes in my diet I don't care as much about the fact that my pizza might need to be reheated when I get home.  I actually don't really care if my food isn't exactly the "right" temperature, anyway.

Unless it's soup or salad.  Cold soup = bleck and hot salad = uck.

I don't eat fast food anymore, so I'm much less worried about the fact that my french fries will be a little cold by the time I get them home.  I don't eat pizza much, either, and if I'm lucky I can bribe Yoshi to make better pizza than I can get at a shop (except Old Chicago in Petaluma because oh my God).

That being said, I hope Target does deliver to just outside of town.  Because someday I hope to have children.  And someday I'm probably going to be down to the last diaper with a blowout in progress and I will need someone to bring me diapers.  So, it's either Target or I have to make some really nice friends.

Also, it would save me from actually shopping in Target, which is only a problem because I like going to Target.  If they sold yarn it would be the perfect store.

Actually, if they deliver to my house maybe it's best they don't sell yarn, anyway.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Day 17: Some Observations.

I don't own a scale, which is something I've thought about reconsidering on and off for the last couple of weeks.

I wanted to try the plan where I give myself certain rewards for reaching certain weights, but even that takes a lot of willpower and I'm afraid I'll get overwhelmed if I have access to a scale every day.  It's really hard for me not to weigh myself all the time if I have a scale, so I'm still deciding what I want to do on that front.

Right now I'm just gauging based on how I feel and how my clothes are fitting.  This seems like a good goal, especially since my primary concern is changing my lifestyle.  How I feel has been a huge indicator and even though sometimes things get annoying I can see myself continuing what I've been doing because I feel good.

Some things are getting easier and some things are not.

For instance, I don't really have many cravings anymore, even for sugar, which I was totally hooked on.  I think it's partly because I'm breaking the addiction and partly because I eat nutrient-rich foods and drink tons of water and green tea all day, so there's nothing my body is trying to ask for.  I'm also not hungry all the time, which is nice.  But I've based so much of my food preparation in satisfying cravings that I sometimes don't know what to do with myself.

The hardest part is when I don't feel like cooking.  I haven't mastered making food and freezing for during the week yet, so on nights where I don't feel like cooking I get a little lost.  I can't bring myself to just eat some pizza or pasta, which would have been my go-to in the past, but I don't want to take the time to make a full meal.  God forbid I need to go to the grocery store.

This was part of my problem before I changed my diet, as well.  But I was just eating whatever then.

This week I intend to make a meal plan and do a bunch of the prep-work on Sunday, which will really help me during the week.  Also, it will be better for my finances than buying salads at Trader Joe's when I didn't make dinner the night before, even though they are delicious.

At just over two weeks I've reached the point where I would usually start to revert to my old ways.  Because I'm lazy and habitual.  The thing is, I've already noticed enough of a difference in my body in multiple ways that my willpower is stronger than it has been before.

My pants are looser.  My skin is softer.  My face has cleared up substantially-- I didn't have that many zits before but there is definitely a huge difference there.  I have more energy; I'm not super cranky and lethargic when I get home from work.  I feel healthier.  More inspired, actually.

I'm not willing to give up on this yet.

Especially when I finally feel like getting back in my skinny jeans might really be possible.  Also, I really want to be able to jog for more than five seconds.  Like, really bad.  But right now jogging is irritating because it entails a lot more wiggling than I really want it to.

I guess the only way to make progress on that front is to keep trying.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dogs > People.

Today I met a dog named Noah.*

For a little dog he was pretty cute.  I think he was a Shih-tsu but he was almost completely black.  He had very big brown eyes and a squishy pigface button nose.

I was taking my lunchtime walk on the little trail by my office and his owner was walking him.  Owner said "hi" as I walked by; pretty standard.

Then this poor little dog heard me speak and decided they were following me now.  So then I had to kneel down and meet him.  I didn't want to be rude...

In a nutshell this is what happens when I'm alone and I see a dog.  I try to play it cool, but on the inside I'm even more excited than they look.  Meeting new dogs is like a billion times better than meeting new people.

I politely smile and say, "hello" but on the inside this is happening:  "Omg that person has a dog.  That's a nice looking dog.  Awwww...  He's wearing a vest...  That's so cute!  I want to get a vest for my dog...  When I get a dog.  I should get Chase a vest.  Do they make super triple-wide vests for gargantuan dogs?  Maybe I can just get him a men's vest.  It would fit him.  Man, I want a dog.  Oooh the dog noticed me!  He's coming over...  Be cool, man.  You don't want to come on too strong; it freaks the people out.  Can I pet the dog?  I want to pet the dog.  I'm gonna pet the dog.  Yesss this is going so well right now."


Then I actually start talking to the dog and I sound like a crazy person.  Good thing I was wearing nice clothes today or the owner might have thought I was one of the homeless people that lives by the creek.

I meet dogs like dogs meet rawhide bones.

But have to I internalize the crazy eyes because I don't want to put off the people and decrease my chances of playing with the dog.

When I meet new people I never remember their names after hearing them once.  I remember their pets' names, though.  I don't even have to have met them.

My life basically revolves around getting to interact with animals.

I don't always like other people that much, as a group.  Actually, if I have to meet a group of new people all at once I really kind of need to be on Xanax because my anxiety skyrockets.  I can handle up to three new people at once.  More than that and I shut down.

But if you put me in a pen full of dogs or cats or rabbits I become the happiest and most comfortable person in the world.

Man, I need to work at a zoo or something.

That being said, I REALLY want to meet and be friends with an elephant.  I feel like we'd get along.  That feeling is mostly based on how much I love them and obsess over them, but that doesn't mean we couldn't or wouldn't be friends.  The only problem is that when I finally do meet an elephant I'm going to be Kristen Bell the first time she met a sloth.

If that happens, I hope the elephant comforts me.  And then I ride it into the sunset and we live happily ever after.

*Isn't that the cutest little doggy name?  He was no Ryan Gosling, but he was still very sweet.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Running in the Rain.

It was overcast and misty this morning when I left my apartment for work.  Those are the best mornings for me.  I don't mind sunlight but I generally prefer to start my mornings with the sky a little overcast.  I'm especially happy if it's misty.  It's a nice way to ease into my day.

I'm restless.

We've been in the North Bay for almost seven months and I'm just now getting to the point where I feel settled.  Not necessarily settled here.  Settled after having uprooted my life for three years to go back to school.  Seven months is how long it took for me to really feel like myself again.

The problem is that now that I'm settling back into myself I'm realizing I don't know if I want to live here forever.  Don't get me wrong, I love it here.  I just don't love how many other people love it here.  I don't love how much I have to fight with other vehicles to get anywhere, especially in rush hour to my work.  I don't love how expensive everything is, especially rental rates.  It's ridiculous what property owners/managers can get away with because the area is desirable.  It's not as bad as actually being in the city, but I can barely handle this.

I think if I lived in the city I would be less than an inch away from committing homicide.

More than anything I think my problem is that I have certain expectations; things I want in life sometime in the next year or so.  One of those things is that Yoshi and I both really want is to adopt a dog.

We have actually had a dog plan for over a year now.  He wants either a German Shepherd or Husky mix and I want a Great Dane.  But we also really want to adopt a shelter dog.  So our plan has been to adopt a shelter dog that's not a puppy but is trained and still young and healthy, then in a couple of years we want to get his dog, then a few years after that get mine (since the Great Dane will have the shortest life span it makes sense to get it last).  If we find ourselves in a situation where it works to get any of the dogs sooner, we will probably do that.

We love dogs.  Big dogs.

But right now we're having trouble even having one medium-sized dog because we already have two cats and it was hard enough to find somewhere in the North Bay that was in our budget and would allow us to have two pets.

Really, our best bet for having multiple pets while still renting is to rent a house or find a lenient property management company with a townhouse or duplex.  For what we're paying for our tiny apartment right now we should be in at least a one bedroom house.

So when I get frustrated about the fact that my sort of decent salary seems abysmal here, that's why.  It's because all of it seems to go to rent and bills, yet we have pretty much no space in our apartment so I get mad that I'm paying so much for it.  Like, every day I'm mad at my apartment for being more expensive than it's worth.

That's the area in which we live.

So, if we want to get a dog or, you know, breathe, we may have to move again.  As much as I hate moving, I don't hate this idea.  I just want to feel like I have space to take a breath, both literally and with my finances.

Also, I have this snippet of future fantasy that I'm desperate to live out.

The fantasy is this:  I want to jog with my dog on the beach in the misty rain.

That's all.  I want it to be overcast and wet, but not pouring.  I want it to be cold.  I want to be wearing my mint green fleece pullover.  I want to be in good enough shape that I can jog with the dog.  And I want the dog to be well-behaved enough that we can go out and if there aren't many people around he can be off-leash.

There are a bunch of other things that could go along with this fantasy, but for the immediate future this little snippet is all I want.

Now, what do I have to do to get there?