Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sunscreen is for Chumps (And Those Who Don't Want Cancer).

Apparently I drive a lot.

I am basing this statement solely on my driver’s tan.

It’s fucking awesome.

My skin is naturally very light.  If I’m in the sun quite a bit, though, it has the potential to become a pretty nice golden brown.  This is one of those things I blame on my Native American genes.  And not a negative blame, like "you ate the cookie I was saving for later."   More like, "you baked a three dozen cookies while I was at work" blame.

I have one arm that’s in the sun twenty or more minutes a day and the other just hangs out over in the shade.  Being all albino and shit.

There’s only been sun for a week and I’m already nearing the point in the summer where I put sunscreen on my left arm and nowhere else.

Tonight I’m sitting outside with my left arm in the shade while waiting for my right one to burn.

I’m just sadistic like that.  And when you’re white like I am, sunburns are so commonplace they don’t seem that bad.  Until you get cancer.

In other news, my shorts from last year don’t fit.  And not in a good way.

I’m debating whether to cut down more of what I eat, or exercise a lot longer.  I feel like I’m fighting against a wall.  And the wall is kind of a stodgy dick.

It’s not that I’m trying to get super skinny, mind you.  I’m just not built for that.  And I think skinny girls seem as if they’d be uncomfortable to have sex with; I’d like to at least be moderately comfortable (in bed).  Or at least to cuddle with.  (Example of weird shit I think about on a fairly regular basis.) 

I just really want my clothes to fit.  Since I not only refuse to purchase new clothes, but also will not have shopping funds, like, ever again.  It does not behoove me at this point to gain or lose a lot of weight. 

I want one of those office setups where you can walk on the treadmill pretty much all day while working.  The only way it could get better is if I could combine showering, working, and walking.  I would mention dessert, but that seems a little counterproductive at this point. 


  1. i know how you feel about the shorts not fitting this year is extremely depressing. :(

  2. I'm kind of running out of things to wear as a result of it. So not cool. I'm glad I don't have to go to class right now because I go home and put on boxer shorts right away. They're pretty much the only really comfy thing I have with leg-holes in them right now. At least you'll be in a nice neighborhood where you can go walking soon, right?

  3. You should definitely invest in some maternity shorts. They are easily the best part of being pregnant in the summer, at least for me. I haven't worn shorts in years, but these are cute and comfy, and they have a giant elastic panel for a waist band. They will grow or shrink with you!

    Also, I totally relate with everything you've said, except my driving arm doesn't get golden brown, unless you count the colonies of freckles that show up under the crispy redness of my burnt Irish skin.

  4. I keep thinking about maternity pants. I don't know why shorts never occurred to me. That is a fabulous idea!

    Usually my skin stays red for a few hours after being in the sun, then I brown. Unless I burn. In which case it stays red for the next week. And the only people who don't think freckles are adorable are the people who have them. By the way, have you ever gotten so sunburned that you actually smell burned? Kinda weird.

  5. As we have talked about, stress will make it hard to lose weight. On a related note, maternity shorts seem like the best thing ever. I am going to have to go cruise Target's maternity section.

  6. I know... :( A big part of the problem is also that I have no patience for this sort of thing. When I want something, I want it NOW. The last time I lost a lot of weight was during a period of great stress during which I didn't eat much. It just seemed to melt off. Rapidly. So it's like I don't understand why I'm not losing weight faster since I'm actually trying this time. I have noticed I'm gaining a little more muscle tone/tightness in my legs and arms since I last stepped up my workouts. Unfortunately, those are exactly the places I don't store fat. I'm really afraid of looking like that one coach in Porky's.

    Agreed. And Target is awesome.

  7. My personal trainer told me that only 1% of the female population has the genes to "bulk up" and that women should not be so afraid that building muscles will make them look weird. She says that in fact, the vast majority of women that gain muscle will just continue to build and tone in whatever area without ever having those muscles get huge.
    So, just something to think about.

  8. That's really good to know. I think the second I started to get remotely near the "lady body-builder" zone, I would probably stop working out so much. The coach in Porky's has chicken legs and a really bulky top. Maybe I just fear looking like an actual mother hen?

    I delegate you as my new workout fact person. Anytime I start to freak out about something gym-related, I will ask you first. :)