Sunday, November 17, 2013

Year One

I'm starting to reach a point where I can actually feel the difference between the mentality of those around me and my own.  To put it more simply, I feel old.  I feel just... Old drowning in a sea of young.  I'm 26.  I'm mentally and emotionally ready for my future to be my present, but my situation (primarily scholastically) hasn't caught up yet.

I love my friends and family.  I love them with every part of me.  I adore my boyfriend.  And I'm pleased to say that I am finally starting to feel that he and I are on a place of equal footing in regards to our goals.  I just wish I wasn't constantly fighting an internal struggle between fulfilling my wants and needs to the best of my ability and trying to make my family happy.  

More than anything else, I'm tired of school.  I'm tired of being a student and of the expectations that come with being a student.  I'm tired of never feeling like my time is my own.  At least when I was working full-time I could come home and relax.  Some people don't realize the time involved in being a student.  I don't get to come home and relax, even when I try.  And being a musician is worse because you have to stay and practice before you get to come home and do homework.  Or you have extra rehearsals for things in which you would prefer to not have any involvement at all.

I guess at least I only have a few more weeks and then next semester and then I'm finished being a musician.  That thought saddens me but also makes me really relieved.  Maybe I'll feel better when I'm on winter break and I don't have to worry about school for a few weeks.

In other news, Yoshi and I recently celebrated our one-year anniversary as a couple.  I don't know what happened, but I recently fell in love with him all over again.  And I realized how much he does to try to make me happy.  Which is pretty much everything.  He wakes me up with tea in the morning.  He cleans my kitchen all the time.  He even cleaned my room for me last week.  He got a second job this week, as well, so that was really exciting.  And we made peanut butter chocolate chip cupcakes with peanut butter and chocolate chip frosting last night.  I love homemade frosting-- which is why I don't make it that often-- and the chocolate and peanut butter together were pretty much amazing.

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