Saturday, June 18, 2011

I'm Okay. No, Really.

Today is better.  

No, really.  It is.

Well, kinda.  I've managed to tuck away most of my feelings again.  (Don't tell me that's bad for me because I can't function any other way.)  It's just how I operate.  I keep everything nice and put away until something triggers an explosion of emotion.  Then I freak out for a while.  Then I'm fine again.

Actually, I think most everyone in my family is like that.

It may not be healthy, but it's just how we are.

I'm just scared because I can't have my typical level of control over a situation.  I like to have some semblance of control over everything.  Right now I have control over nothing.

I think it wouldn't be so hard if I was still speaking to the person who used to talk me down from emotional and anxiety-ridden mountaintop.

It's funny how you don't realize you actually miss someone until you remember the things they did for you that no one else can do in quite the same way.  Even if it wasn't worth the pain they caused you.  It's still hard.  And forgiveness takes so much longer than I thought it would.

It's funny how ultimate forgiveness seems to hurt as much as leaving in the first place.


On a happier note, I am going to see The Green Lantern tonight.

I love comic book movies, but this is one of the few for which I really don't care about plot or dialog.

Why, you may ask?

Well, dear reader, that is because I will be watching nearly three hours of Ryan Reynolds floating around in a green CGI suit.

I'm going to need popcorn and candy just to give my mouth something to do other than drool.

2 comments:

  1. I am so glad to hear that you are doing alright. Your friends care about you and you are a good person. But I feel cheated...

    I bet Ryan Reynolds gave you the biggest boner during the movie. Or you were at least wet, wet for Ryan Reynolds six pack abs. I am so jealous, since you didn't invite me. I thought we had something here. I thought you were into me! I thought you were in love with me! I think I am going to crawl under a rock and cry. I will never comment again as Clark Kent. Bye world! Goodbye one true love. *withers and dies*

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  2. @CK-- (If that is your real name...) 1) Yes. Yes, he did. *sigh* 2) You are so weird.

    Seriously. How do I attract these people?

    ReplyDelete