I am not the girl who sleeps with other girls' boyfriends.
I am not the girl who hooks up with random guys out of boredom or because I'm lonely.
I am not the girl who can spend a night with a guy and just forget about it afterward.
I wish I could not care. I wish I could be with someone even a couple of times just for physical gratification and then forget about it entirely afterward.
But I'm not that girl, either.
I have come to terms with the fact that, even if I do want a fast, cheap, and easy fling for purely physical reasons, I cannot do it. In a way, it's almost annoying. I really, really want to be able to disconnect like a guy and not care. I am just completely incapable of doing so.
I think the problem is that, despite my sometimes slightly irritable and extremely sarcastic nature, I am really built for loving and caring about other people. Despite how much I say I don't want to deal with other people's crap and I don't want a family, etc., I find that when I dig deep inside myself, I really don't mind and I kind of do want a family. Not that I'd make the greatest parent. But I definitely wouldn't be the worst. In my heart, even though I do get tired of it, I don't mind taking care of other people-- as long as I don't have to do it all the time. I like feeling useful. (Please note the line between “useful” and “used.”) And I LOVE feeling loved.
This is why I will never be able to have one-night-stands. This is why (among other reasons) I don't go out and part all the time. This is why I'm at a point of completely not caring what other people think. Especially men. I pierce what I want. I wear what I want. And I do things for myself, because this is the time in my life I can afford to do that.
Oy. Now that that rant is over...
I am in love with a Maroon 5 song today. It's called “Stutter.” You should listen to it.
I'm super sleepy. BEDTIME!!! Yay!!!