Monday, May 14, 2012

Mother's Day.

I miss my mom.  So.  Much.

I called and talk to her for the better part of 20 minutes this evening.  But it's still not the same.

I'll be 25 in six days and I still need my mom to let my lay my head in her lap and cry while she plays with my hair.

She is quite possibly my best friend in the world.  She and Oose are the only ones who even remotely understand what I've gone through and what I'm still feeling.

On top of all the other bullshit, I'm completely overwhelmed with school.  I have ten days left and I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to manage it.  I know I'll come out of next week feeling completely relieved and fine, but for now I just don't know how to handle this stress.  And I have no choice but to keep moving forward.  Unfortunately, giving up is not an option and I can't just ask someone else to handle school for me.  So, for now, I kind of want to die in a freak accident so I don't have to face this week.

Then there's the issue of money for the summer.  I just...  Don't know what I'm going to do.

It's funny.  The first time in years I have a real direction and purpose and am doing what I really want to do, I feel completely lost.  Lost and alone.

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