Sunday, May 29, 2011

A Long Time Coming.

Several of my friends are turning 21 this year.

While I am beyond excited for them and more than willing to help them celebrate (responsibly), it's also a little strange for me.

I hadn't really thought about it much until a conversation I had with some other students during my biology final last week. One of the other students mentioned that he felt young compared to a lot of the people in the class because he was 21. My 32 year-old lab partner told him that when he was 21, he was married with a baby.

When I was 21, I was engaged.

I lived with my fiancee.

And I had a 5 year-old step-daughter who told me to marry her father the day I met her.

This was my life.

*Note-- This is the playlist I listened to while I wrote this post and the four that will follow very soon. If you're interested. Who knows; it might set the mood while you're reading.  I know it set mine for writing.

**Note on the note-- Track number seven makes me cry pretty much every time I hear it. Especially if I hear it after track one. There were a couple songs on the playlist on my iPod that I didn't include in this playlist, primarily because I just didn't need it to be that long.  And don't try to guess if one of the songs was "our song."  It's not in the playlist.  A Quiet Mind is as close as you'll get.


  1. Thank goodness you're out of that.

    When I was 21, I remember nothing specific. I was married, lived in a crappy house, worked as a caregiver for my dying father, and was bored out of my mind.

    I'm glad we're both no longer 21.

  2. I have heard that some people can even be compulsive liars. They even lie about things that are not even important. I feel Rihanna's hurt in this song; she is in an abusive relationship probably with either a drug addict or an alcoholic. I believe (in real life) she was dating some celebrity hip hop (rapper) who also beat her up a few times. Spousal abuse is a huge no no. My memory is fuzzy on the details, since I care little about the lives of celebrities.

    Interesting how you wanted to call me "Clark Kent". Was it in reference to this song? I always felt Superman's disguise sucked, since taking off a pair of glasses does not suddenly drastically change ones appearance. This is why I have always been a bigger fan of Batman and Spiderman, when it comes to super heroes. But that of course is just my opinion. Perhaps Superman has special meaning to you.

    Dare I say this? In my opinion, if a couple was together for even years and had a kid. Then broke up, there was potentially something really wrong with them. My reasoning is that they would have tried to make the relationship work far harder than normal, since the child was involved. It however, could have been one or both their faults. For this very reason, I would never engage in a relationship with a woman with a child again. There are so many better options out there, with a far cleaner start and less risk. Even if the sex was great, I think I'll pass. I have learned from my mistakes and I am sure the learning experience has helped me grow. I am not saying this principle of mine is concrete, but being cautious with love is wise.

    I really look forward to learning more about you. If you ever need a friend, I will be here.

  3. @Patty-- Agreed. 21 was not that awesome.

    @Anonymous-- As far as I know, the song was supposed to be about Eminem's relationship with his ex-wife. I don't really keep up on those things very well, either.

    My considering calling you "Clark Kent" had nothing to do with the song. I hadn't heard it in months when I mentioned that. It just happened to come on my iPod Saturday and cause a fit of writing. Clark Kent seemed like it could work because he hides his true identity from everyone. He is unlike superheroes like Batman and Spiderman in that Superman is his true identity and Clark Kent is his disguise. Which is why I chose Clark Kent. And Superman does not have special meaning for me. He's not remotely close to being my favorite superhero. I am a pretty straightforward person; it will honestly not behoove you to look for hidden meanings. Especially in writing, I say what I mean. The only symbolism I typically use is in poetry. That being said, I appreciate that you're willing to ask anything. I think real honesty is something we as a society are rather casual with nowadays.

    More of this story is to come. As I said, there are four more posts. However, I was 20 and very lonely and naive. He gave me many reasons why their relationship didn't work. He seemed to be very open about all his past relationships. We had talked a lot before we even got it together to go on a date, so for some reason I thought I knew him. That being said, I must have been crazy because, at that point in time, I really didn't like children at all and I never wanted any of my own. But I still ended up taking care of her. I agree, though, that it is very unwise to date someone who already has kids. Personally, I just can't deal with the baggage and all the jealousy issues-- with all parties involved.

    Thanks. :)

  4. heh, I get what you're saying about 21. Before I moved to Sweden I realized that I was almost the last of my friends not to be engaged, married, or have kids- at 21. Which made me feel a little irregular, like I was behind or something, but then I moved to Sweden. Turns out people here don't seem interested in marrying (almost at all...) or having kids until nearly 30. They have things to do, fun to have, and education to finish. lol Imagine that right?

    On a side note, I would argue that Batman is Batman's true identity. At this point he's only pretending to be Bruce Wayne. And can, has, and will again hand Superman his ass- superpowers be damned, real heroes don't need them.

  5. @Cheryl-- I always thought 30 was a fabulous age to start to settle down. I'm too busy focusing on what I want as a twenty-something. Reason number 5847 I should probably just move to Europe.

    I can see your point. Psychological trauma severely messed up his sense of self, so it does make complete sense that the self he associates most with is Batman. Superman has always kind of struck me as a pansy. I have no concrete reason for that, but I've just never been capable of achieving a boner for him.

  6. That is exactly why I dated someone with a kid. I was taking many lab classes at the time, she was in one of the classes. And of course I was really lonely. I was young too around 21 years of age. The reality is that I should have found someone else. The relationship was dismal nearly half the time. The learning experience was a great lesson. You can learn the hard way and the easy way. It seems I chose the hard way.

    She would give me reasons why it didn't work out with her past lover. But I had a feeling she was going to turn into a total bitch. And she most certainly did. Based on how all of her family and esp. her siblings were just god awful. She would talk smack about her siblings and her ex all the time. I started to think there was something wrong with her. Lesson learned.

    My friend gave me some good advice when it comes to romance. It is good to think with your heart and not your head. ;)

  7. I chose the hard way, as well, but I think it was ultimately a more effective lesson for me.

    That adage sums up the reasons why I've been in every terrible relationship I've had. I'm basically too fucked up to live that way anymore. If someone can get through the barriers I've built with my head, I can accept them into my heart. On its own, my heart is an idiot and cannot be trusted.

  8. You know, guys think with their other head. They have two heads ya know ;) I need to stop doing that. I think I have a problem with being inappropriate on the internet. I assure you I am far well behaved in person. You would never know.