Thursday, May 26, 2011

Just Like Peeing in a Cup... Kinda.

Have you ever heard of a "female urination device"?

Yeah, I hadn't either.

Thanks, Stumbleupon.

In case you're curious, it's basically a little silicone funnel ladies can use to pee standing up.  Which could be completely awesome for same two reasons I pretty much refuse to pee outside (unless I'm drunk on the beach, apparently).  1)  I ALWAYS get raped by nature.  Even if there is no grass in sight, the second I squat down, one blade of grass will instantly pop up.  And it will always, always be dangerously close to my cooch for absolutely no reason.  Nature can be so stupid.  2)  Downhill is never behind me, where my shoes are not.

If I had been, like, seven when I learned about this contraption, I would have been using it for the last 17 years (I suddenly feel old...  Eeep).  Since I was actually 23, it just strikes me as weird.

Not saying I wouldn't use it.

Just saying you might have to give me some champagne first.


  1. When I hit the demo button I expected at least a CGI representation of the product being used. But no, all I get is a graphic of the product without the demonstrator. I want to see how well peeing through a funnel works. I am not some sick pervert that gets off on women peeing. You know some guys do, which is a bit disturbing. I merely wanted to see if the product was effective, but oh wells. But I suppose a deodorant commercial would be gross if going on clear meant applying the product to a dirty armpit vs. the skin. So I can respect their marketing decision.

    Grass blades in your vag? Owww! Sometimes I like to pee outside; it is so awesome being a man. I can mark and claim my territory.

  2. I have totally seen these before! Kind of gross.
    I never pee outside either. It's so effing messy!

  3. @SD-- I didn't even notice the demo button. This leads me to thing that, despite your argument to the contrary, you really did just want to see some girl pee. But you wanted to see a girl pee like a dude. Through a silicone apparatus. Which I suppose is kind of like one of those peepee dolls. Maybe you have a thing for dolls? :) I think the deodorant clarity test is better shown on strips of black fabric, but that's just me. I've personally always wondered how men with really furry armpits manage to apply their deodorant. And how effective it is.

    Grass blades are not like shards of glass... Just uncomfortable.

    @Patty-- I'm not really a fan, either. I kind of wonder if it comes out in weird ways sometimes like when men pee, though...

  4. haha! Do we just trust that the funnel works? I wanted to see the product in action. Not with a doll, but with a CGI representation. Heck even a shot of liquid coming out of the funnel would have sufficed. I suppose actual pee or a demonstrator wouldn't be necessary. A great example could be a diaper commercial that shows how well the product absorbs and contains the leaky material. Or hell even a demonstration how absorbent your tampons or pads are. I have a point, but yeah a women peeing is just so hot. I say we set up hidden cameras in the women's bathroom stalls, just to get a peak. :P Of course the voyeur aspect would be totally inappropriate, but we have to get our jiggies off somehow.

    Ewww. Speaking of those pads. I just remembered that in 7th grade PE class, one of the Chem rooms had a pad stuck to the bottom of the table. Who put the pad there? Miss Mary Rotten Crotch?

  5. You may also address me as BD, not SD. I would prefer simply anonymous. Why insult me?

  6. You do realize that SD can also refer to small dick? Lol you were using as stranger danger, which is fine. Wow now I am embarrassed. I am so sorry I had a really long day at work. I hope you can understand.

  7. I guess if one gets desperate, you could always go into a disposable funnel(snow cones, anyone?). I know I can never squat outside, I'm used to guys being around, and I'm always paranoid that they'll think it's just a great idea to walk over to where I am and say "Look at this guys!! Isn't it just hilarious watching her pee?" I feel too vulnerable, not to mention I've got way too heavy of a stream. The couple of times I HAVE been able to go outside, there's always a blast of pee, which flecks onto my ankles and shoes, along with whatever dirt, leaves, or sand is in the vicinity. So I've never really been out for long enough to warrant wilderness-urination, or cup urination.

  8. STRANGER DANGER-- Since I presume I know nothing about the size of your penis, it would be a little rude/cruel of me to presume it was small. I generally try to be sensitive to a man's emotional needs in that respect (and pretty much no other, apparently)because even thought I could care less how big a dude's schlong is, I realize how closely it ties in to self-esteem. I'm not calling you BD. That would be awkward. Although, I did laugh so hard at those comments that I started choking.

    I'm not sure why they couldn't have just poured some blue water through it. Though, I suppose if you really want a demonstration you could just go to the store, purchase a funnel, and pour something through it. The only difference is that this is silicone. Wait. What if you pee so much it backs up (as funnels tend to do; they are not really champions of drainage). Personally, I'm not really crazy about the idea of urine- soaked labia. Maybe that's just me?

    @Flicker (I just really like calling you that)-- That is true. I don't see myself getting that desperate. It's not that I can't squat; it's that I choose not to. Because nature is a dick. Baha. I promise if I'm ever around and you have to pee in the woods, I will form a barricade with my body and no one will laugh at you while you pee on your shoes. Maybe after. No guarantees. Also, I don't see the funnel working very well for lots of pee at once. I see it filling up and being awful.

    When I pee in a cup (on the occasions I've had to do it), I have to actively try not to pee while I'm peeing. Not enough not to pee, but enough that the cup doesn't fly out of my hand and into the toilet. Then I'd have to fish that cup out of the toilet (since it's unflushable), get a new cup, and I'd be briefly peeing on my hand. So many levels of suck.

  9. Well you did laugh, at least some good came out of my comment. I totally spaced on the stranger danger nickname, since my brain was fried after work. Oh urban dictionary... certainly can make misunderstandings. SD can stand for San Diego, South Dakota and Small Dick. Stranger Danger is usually not referred to as SD. I soon quickly realized what you meant, but it was too late.

    BD would be better than SD. But you are right, it would be awkward. What can I say? *Acts all embarrassed* When my (ex) girlfriend and I would have sex, it would sometimes hurt her. Ya know? Now that is how you impress girls. Cause then they start thinking about dick. Your dick. I am not serious btw. :) It could be bad advice from a close friend.

  10. I am extremely concerned right now. Not because I am in any way really disturbed by this conversation. But because I am afraid that, as a result of this conversation, you may never reveal your true identity to me. :/ Despite how much I like the nickname "Stranger Danger," I feel compelled to call you something else in an effort to keep your mind off your abnormally large penis. Therefore, I shall now call you "Clark Kent."

  11. Does not revealing my identity sadden you? Do you think I would be so embarrassed over this conversation that I would dare not show myself? Really? I am not ashamed of my sick sense of humor, nor do I care what other people think. I however, have my reasons for being anonymous. But yes, SD or even stranger danger has been tainted by this conversation. What started out as a pee funnel, somehow ended up into talks about dicks. I sincerely apologize. Hopefully our one day possible future meeting will be far less awkward than this conversation. My voice sounds similar to Michael Cera if that helps you determine a proper nick name.

  12. Sadden, no. And probably not. I was just trying to make you feel guilty about it. :D Everything always ends up being about dicks, anyway.

    That does not help. I'll find one I like as much as I did Stranger Danger eventually. Worry not.