I'm heading home the day after tomorrow. Thank God.
As if this semester hasn't been hard enough on me, there's that thing with Bambi.
It's like he can tell when I'm just about to let go, then he tries to contact me. Maybe that really is what happens. I can't know what his thought process is.
I responded to him initially because I was curious. I wanted to know why he would even attempt to talk to me. I wanted to know what was wrong with him that he thought I was going to fix.
At first he just missed me. And he was not at all happy with his girlfriend. He's still not. He's constantly talking about leaving her and he never does.
He'll say he's leaving her and not coming back, then realize that he hates staying with his mom, that he has no money and really no one else to stay with, and that she technically owes him money. Then he'll go back.
He's still an alcoholic. He still sometimes lies to me for no reason, then tells me the truth later. The scary part is that he seems to eventually come clean to me but he is in general more honest with me than the person he's dating.
She doesn't want him to talk to me because she's afraid he's still in love with me and that I'm going to take him away. If I were willing to support him the way that she does and had the funds to do so, he probably would leave her for me. But that's not a path I'm really willing to go down.
Because she hates me (and, to be fair, she has some good reasons to; she just doesn't know about them) he hides that he talks to me. He texts me almost every day and lies to her about it. He even still tells me he loves me.
Apparently he has my number entered in his phone under the name of one of his old girlfriends. Oddly enough, it's the girlfriend he used to bitch to about his feelings when we were together. The more I think about it, the more aware I become of the fact that this is not a space I'm willing to fill in his life.
I do not give a rat's ass about his worthless lowlife piece of shit girlfriend. I do not care about her family. I do not care about their weed trade. And I do not care about her stupid birds.
Birds are not real pets. Birds can be adorable. But it's like having a less cool flying version of a Velociraptor as a pet.
I am sick of being the person he calls every time they fight. Which is pretty often.
I kept talking to him because I missed being friends with him. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about me and he really understands me, which is a blessing and a curse. He knows how to make me feel better when I'm upset and encourage me when I'm feeling discouraged.
But I just can't do this. I shouldn't have to deal with this fucked up situation. So I'm extricating myself from it.
There's your drama for the week. You know I'm always good for it.
In other news, I finally took the time to clean and do all my laundry yesterday. My room hasn't looked this good in months and I think it really is helping my mental state not to have so much mess around me. Also, it rained yesterday. I'm sure that helped as well.
Lastly, I'm planning on doing a summer program (for voice) in Alaska this year. I'm really excited about it. I have to make a recording of a few songs to send to them for my audition, though. I plan to upload them to soundcloud or something like that and just give them the links. Perhaps I'll post them here, as well, and then those who are curious (mainly Patty) will have the opportunity to hear what I sound like.
This will also present me with the opportunity to go to Alaska. And I am stoked about that. You know, as long as I can acquire the money to actually do it.
I may have to rob some people.
Don't tell anyone.