Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The End is Near.

I have too much to do and too little time in which to do it in the next couple of weeks, so please don't expect too much from me.  My semester is over in three weeks and by then I have to have 3/4 of an opera memorized, as well as the repertoire for my lessons.  And a multitude of homework assignments for my other classes.

I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.

Don't mind me.  I'm just going to crawl over here in the corner and melt down for a while.


Also, I feel compelled to note that I haven't felt so desperately lonely in a long time.  I think it's because I've never been in a place where I've been this overwhelmed and over-stressed and not had someone to really lean on or hold me.  At this point I am a thread away from being completely incapacitated by everything I'm supposed to accomplish because I honestly don't know if I can manage it and never before have I not had someone (even if it's my mom) to hold me while I cry.  I'm sure my roommates would be understanding and really try to comfort me if I broke on one of their shoulders, but I don't feel comfortable showing that kind of weakness to them.

So I get to be holed-up in my room for the next few weeks.  I don't know if I can last that long.  But I know I have to.

Life just keeps trying to push me into being a stronger woman and I keep stumbling and feeling as though I'm going to fall flat on my face.  Then, somehow, I find myself in the clear sunshine and relief of the other side.

Let's hope that happens this time, too.

Hope.




4 comments:

  1. I've got similar problems, sans the loneliness. But I empathize. <3

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  2. You can do it, Katie. I would suggest that, if the weather/allergies/cow poop smell permits you to do it, do as much of your work outside or in a public place as possible. I know for me that being able to see other people or at least be in the presence of other people always made me feel less lonely when I was feeling desperately lonely in Chicago. It's like making the choice to be alone while around other people somehow makes it easier to deal with. But regardless of whether this is possible or not, you can make it. You will make it. Don't lose heart.

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  3. @Tiffany--Thanks. I guess at least I'm not alone.

    @Lizzie--I've been trying to work in the backyard. I sunburned my back the weekend before last. There's just a lot that I have to do on my computer and it's hard to read the screen outside. The neighbors also sometimes get weird when I practice out there. :)

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