I've been thinking a lot lately. Always a dangerous pastime. (Insert lines from Beauty and the Beast here.)
I'm really wondering why I'm a music major.
I absolutely love being involved in this much music and talking about it all the time. I enjoy being consumed by it.
But lately I've been feeling as though I'm drowning in a sea of it.
For one thing, it's really, really hard to be a music major. I have to attend and perform in over 15 concerts per semester. As a singer, I have to memorize a lot of words in languages I don't actually speak. But I also have to pronounce them correctly.
All of that would be fine if I had better work ethic.
I feel as if I'm waiting for something to inspire me to be better about things, but nothing happens. And I get discouraged because I want to be the best and it feels as though I can never make it into the top five. For anything.
What's the point in trying if I can't at least be one of the best?
That mentality is incredibly frustrating, but I don't know how I can shake it.
I feel like no matter how hard I work on something I will still fuck it up. It will never be perfect. And I don't want to try and fail because I ultimately feel as though that is worse than not trying at all.
I don't know what to do. I love music and I'm definitely not tired of it. I'm just tired of failing at it.