Saturday, August 27, 2011

Settling In.

I unpacked my last box yesterday.  It was a beautiful thing.  Now I just need to find somewhere to recycle the cardboard and take out all the trash bags.

I have a ton of shit.

I never want to move again.

But I will.  One day I'm sure I'll be living in a little shit-box apartment in San Francisco or Chicago trying to make a living as an opera choruster.

Or I'll be an accountant.

I'm feeling much better about things.  I love my house and my roommates.  My room is organized and uncluttered (mostly).  I think I'm going to be okay in my classes.  My voice lesson times are pinned down and I even have a deal with my roommate that we'll go to the gym together three times per week. 

Moving was tough, though.

I hadn't sorted through most of my things since I moved out of my apartment and I had to deal with all those sort of residual feelings that still hadn't been exorcised.  Last Monday night I packed and listened to Adele's album 21 for a good three hours at least.  I spent much of the time weeping.  Music is such a powerful thing and can affect me like nothing else in the world has the ability to do.  Sometimes I can relate to it far too well.

I kept finding little things Bambi had given me or I'd saved from the time I was with him while I was unpacking.  Most all of it is torn up and/or in the garbage now.  The Cork is there where it belongs.  I probably should have burned it, but I don't have a barbeque.    The clothes are in a bag that I'll be taking to Goodwill soon because they are in good shape and some of them are pretty nice.  Plus, poor people can always use sweatshirts. 

There's only one item I'm not throwing out.



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It's silver and definitely old.  When he gave it to me he told me it had been his grandmother's jewelery box.  She was the only woman I ever felt he had more love for than me.  She was the only woman I think he ever respected. 

I can't bring myself to throw it away because it's too nice.  I don't feel right giving it to Goodwill yet because it represents a relationship I had with a woman I unfortunately was never able to meet during her lifetime, but who I feel was there with me through many of the terrible things I've experienced in the last few years, especially with him.  I would not be the person I am today without her.

However, it was still a gift from him.

So my plans for it look a little like this:

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I can blow these up for days and never run out, thanks to the Women's Clinic in Redding and their insistence on giving me a lunch sack full of condoms every time I went to get birth control or a bv check.  And this made me happier than using it as a candy dish or q-tip holder.

I feel like I really am finally free.  I think that's why it doesn't hurt to get rid of all these things anymore.  I just don't want them around because I will get tired of being reminded of him.  There is so much more in store for me than wasting my life on someone that...  Pointless.

Please excuse me while I take out the rest of my trash.

Out with the old, in with the new mentality. 




Oh, and by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with my new life.


7 comments:

  1. You know, you're a great writer. Your work is a joy to read. Thanks for sharing your stories in such a personal way. I'm glad you're finally able to move on. That's the hardest part, for sure. :( I love your new plans for the silver box.

    Also,I have a bunch of condoms from the Women's Clinic that you can have. They always give me the same lunch bag and I'm allergic to latex.

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  2. Same here, Ariel, allergic to latex. :/ I think you did a great job of re-purposing there. ;)And we'll probably both end up in a crappy SF apartment trying to live as choristers. ;P

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  3. TMI ... girls, TMI ....

    Having said that .... :-) ... Katie, you are a wonderful and very talented writer. Your writing is meaningful, eloquently penned, and so often witty and hilarious, with a great dry, sophisticated (sometimes a bit wicked) sense of humor. I enjoy everything you write and you have cracked my up countless of times.

    I hope you will keep writing, girl :-).
    Rafi's Mum

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  4. Guess what? I am ALSO allergic to latex! So bad that I can't eat most fruits and vegetables. Anyway!

    Love that jewelry box and how you're choosing to use it. Good for you!

    I'm so glad you are so freaking happy. :) Simple as that.

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  5. I'm beginning to think latex allergies are really common and it therefore doesn't make sense to me that there are only a few alternatives. :(

    @Ariel-- Thank you!!! I'm really glad you enjoy my writing. I can take the condoms off your hands if you'd like haha. I'm pretty sure we can find a use for them here... Like as decorations for our housewarming party, perhaps? :D

    @Tiffany-- Thanks lol. I agree! The potential circumstances bring about this question (for me): is it better to live minimally as an opera chorister or moderately as a lemming in some office? I think I would only be truly happy in work that didn't make me feel like a lemming.

    @Camilla-- I know you told me in the past that I made you laugh and the way I write entertains you, but for some reason I didn't make the connection that you read my blog. What a surprise it was to see you on here! (Not in a bad way, though. It actually makes me feel good that you must know a multitude of personal things about me and you still trust me to not only be friends with your son, but live with him.) Thank you very much. Your compliments are always so exquisitely worded and they (among many other things) make me feel very privelaged to have both you and Rafi in my life. Don't worry. I will never stop. If nothing else, I need it as a creative outlet. :)

    @Patty-- I remember reading your blog about that! I feel so bad for you. :( That's got to be rough, especially when you're trying to choose your foods wisely. The only way I was able to cut most sweets out of my diet was to replace candies with fruit. I honestly don't know how you do it. :/ Thanks! I like it, too. I think next time I visit my parents I'm going to have to stop in Chico on the way so we can have lunch or something! I'll let you know in advance when that will be and maybe we can plan it.

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  6. I do know that there is a new Trojan product called Supra made of polyurethane, and they're actually extremely comfortable and effective(as long as you don't let things dry). They don't cost much more than other trojans, either. I don't usually advertise, but I do like a chance to help out my fellow ladies and keep them from taking unnecessary risks. :3

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  7. On another note...balloons!!! I'm not sure how well you can make balloon animals out of them, but I'm sure we'd have fun trying? XD

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