Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Damn You, Apfel.

I used to be pretty good at operating cell phones.  I could pick up another person's phone and use it for stuff if I needed to.  Even when I had the touchscreen Samsung Eternity I could still figure out how to text, take pictures, and make calls with other phones. 

Trying to use an iPhone while I had the Eternity was pretty awesome, by the way.  My brother convinced me to try to operate his 3g.  I just remember clicking something I didn't mean to and freaking out.  "How do I get out?  Where's the back button?  Why's there no back button?  WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE FUCKING BUTTON?!  WHATDOIDOHOLYJESUSI'MSOCONFUSED?!!!"

Then I upgraded my phone for an iPhone 4.  Which seemed to take forever to get used to.  And texting while driving was pretty much impossible, unlike the Motorola Razr, which had a small silicone spacer in between each of the keys so I didn't even have to look at the phone while I was texting.

Stupid Apple, trying to make me a safer driver.

After having the iPhone for a couple weeks I became depressingly dependent on it.  I forgot it once.  At home.  On my bed.  It sat there alone for a few hours doing nothing while I freaked about about possible not being able to immediately Google whatever my quasi-A.D.D./full-blown O.C.D. decided I needed to know RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT. 

It's not that I feel I need my phone around me every second of every day.  It's that I feel completely lost without it near me, probably making me radioactive and giving me brain cancer.  Also, I am of a generation that has become pretty used to near-instant gratification. 

I mean, work is hard, yo.  Why do I need to read a book when I can just watch the tv mini-series on showtime and write a paper based on Sparknotes.  (I'm just making fun of people in my generation and younger; I totally love reading books.  To the point where I will read a book so I can watch the movie based on the book and complain about how they destroyed everything I loved about the story.)

That reminds me, I need to take two boxes of books to the used bookstore later.  Unless anyone wants them...  Hint.  Hint.

I realized exactly how spoiled I am as an iPhone user when I got my work phone last week.  I have a personal cell phone now (my iPhone) and a work cell phone (a Blackberry) since I'll be working remotely, meaning still doing close to the same job I am now, just from my house in Modesto.

I had to call to activate the cell phone, which isn't a big deal.  I've had to do it for other employees before. I just joke around with the dry person I get at Sprint until they laugh, then wait for them to act all awkward because Sprint records their calls.  It makes a mundane task entertaining.

At the end of the setup, I am asked to call a number with the Blackberry to complete the activation process. 

No biggie.

Except there are buttons on this phone.  Lots of little tiny buttons.  The letter buttons have numbers on them.  And when I touch the screen nothing happens.  I have to use a joystick thing to do anything on the screen.

I have absolutely no idea how to dial out.

When I type on the numbers it plugs the letters into a search engine.

The guy that I got was nice enough.  But no help at all. He had a Droid.  Me being an iPhone user, that should have made us mortal enemies.  Luckily, though, we were both cool enough not to let that affect our working relationship.  Of course, he had no idea how to operate a Blackberry, either, and just kept waiting a few seconds before asking, "Did you get it yet?" again.

I finally gave up, pressed the right number buttons in the right order to dial the activation line, and pressed the green "send" button.  Which worked.  Thank God.  Because I was out of ideas by that point.

I had my email set up and three games of sudoku won before I fully understood how to dial out. 

Obviously, Apple has ruined me for any other fruit.

I mean...  Cell phone.

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