Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Here, Kitty Kitty.

I have two cats.

One is Hunter, my adorable and amazing four year-old orange angora/tabby mix.  The other is the newb; Sammy.  He is a 5-ish month old black shorthair.  Hunter is neutered.  Sammy is going to be neutered as soon as I figure out which vet I want to take him to.

Since he's indoor only and my other cat is also male, I'm not super concerned about his siring capabilities.  It's more that I am freaking sick of watching him clean his damn balls.  I feel like every time I look at him it's ball-cleaning time.  If these things were silver they would be so polished that they would blind you at the slightest hint of light or reflection.

Also, I never want to see his penis again.  Cat penises are weird and gross and should be kept put away at all times.

I feel bad for neutering him.  But it's not as if it will change his life that radically.  I'll just save him about sixteen hours of ball-cleaning each day.

Of my two cats, one likes to shit in places that are not his litter box when he gets upset with me.  For instance, this month's prime shitting grounds are apparently the nest my roommate likes to keep on the floor of the living room for napping.  Blankets wadded up on the floor are a guaranteed cat shit minefield in my house.

The other cat has issues with aim in the litter box.  Therefore, I go to clean it and not only does he hover the whole time so that he can make sure to get in the box as soon as I'm done and make a big stinky something to share with everyone in the house, but he also ends up getting it on the side of the box.  Without fail.  At least once every two days.  I just don't know what his butt is doing that high while he's pooping.

Once he was having spastic colon issues (I think) and he got it on the wall next to the litter box.  Seriously, aren't cats supposed to be more obsessive compulsive than that?  How does this happen?

I can't even put the lid on the litter box because for some ungodly reason Hunter cannot pee with the lid on the box.  Apparently all those walls make it difficult to perch with all four feet on the edge of the box and his tail helping him balance his butt over the litter.  Yet he is not the one who craps on the wall.

Cats are disturbing and make no sense.  But they are also soft and like to snuggle me after I fall asleep, so it kind of makes up for it.

Though, now that I'm thinking about it, they probably are just snuggling me to make sure I'm still alive.  They're just biding their time until I die and they can eat my face.

Now there are cats fighting in the middle of my complex.  My little soldiers are going to protect me from the windowsill.  Cat fight noises creep me out.


  1. Sweetie, after 2 cats it is a slippery slope down to 4 and 5 cats and becoming a crazy cat lady like me. But it's okay, I'll still adore you. Because cats rock.

    What you're really doing by neutering the little guy is preventing him from developing the urge to spray urine on the wall if Hunter ever makes him feel threatened, and chilling him out so that he doesn't feel like his only goal in life is to break out of the house and populate the neighborhood. It could happen.

  2. Yeah... He really likes the neighbor's cats that live in my backyard. I only felt a little bad because he seems so attached, but there is no way I'm letting him go un-neutered. That's for sure.

    At some point I'll probably feel its necessary to balance out all the cats with a dog. Then I'll just turn my home into a foster home but I'll never adopt out any of the animals. It'll train them to steal stuff for me like Fagin in Oliver & Conpany.

    ...This scenario is getting out of hand. I'm going to stop now.

  3. Sweetheart. You just posted an entire blog about cats, their balls and their shit... I'm not sure it's solely the number we need to worry about. I love you... a lot.... Oose

  4. But... Balls are weird. And cat balls are just gross. I could post about people balls, but that might be a little bit much. I love you, too!

  5. Cats are also prone to shit in weird places or not bury it becase they're trying to establish dominance by basically saying "that's right, be afraid of the stench of my shit, now bury yours or I'll be offended". I wish that was something I made up but it isn't. :/

    1. That's true. I forgot about that. It's oddly similar to something my dad does, which is call you over to "talk about something," then hold you next to him while farts and tells you to smell it.

      Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with my family. But I (usually) wouldn't trade them for the world.