Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ill-Advised

A story of hair removal.


I spent last weekend in Santa Cruz with Oose.  We had decided during the week prior that we should try waxing for the first time. 

I'm not referring to our legs.

I had mentioned going to a professional waxing salon and she couldn't get over the idea of how uncomfortable she would be with some moderately trained Vietnamese woman peering into her cooch.  I still can't discern how that's very different from going to the women's clinic and having a different person checking your yoni every time you have to go back.  But I wasn't about to push the issue.

Oose suggested we just get at-home kits and wax each other. 

Yeah.  I know.

I tried the salon idea a couple more times, but she seemed so genuinely uncomfortable that I eventually just caved.

I think we both regret that now.

With a bottle of wine, some excellent tunes, and the support of her very accommodating boyfriend, we each made it about halfway through waxing before we gave up. 

I still have a picture on my phone of the wax on my upper thigh that rorschached into a moose after I instinctively put my legs together when it didn't come off with the paper.

The next day we ate some brunch and ran a few errands before we talked out the situation over coffee.  I basically was refusing to try to do the rest ourselves and she pretty much agreed.  So I googled salons in the Santa Cruz area and found one willing to make two simultaneous/back-to-back appointments for us at 5:30 on Sunday.

The woman I found was super nice and very clean and professional.  She let us know everything she was doing and let us both stay in the room while one was being waxed without being the least bit weird about it.  She was also very chatty and made the whole situation seem normal as opposed to awkward.

Most importantly, she didn't make us feel like idiots for trying to do it on our own.  I think she realized we felt dumb enough without her. 

Let me tell you, finding someone to rip the hair out of your cooter is not cheap.  But it's kind of worth it.  The hair doesn't grow back as fast as it seems to with shaving, there's less of it, and you don't get all irritated from finding random patches of hair that you missed or that are difficult to get to.

On the other hand, it's uncomfortable to sit for the first night.  It was even worse for use because of the double waxing.  Also, hair apparently grows in stages, so your skin isn't perfectly smooth until the third wax.  Though, after the first time the hair is finer, so you feel it less anyway.

I would definitely suggest that if you decide to try getting a Brazilian you should invite someone you really trust to go with you and hold your hand.  It's not as painful as I would have thought, but it's definitely nice to have the morale support.  Plus, it scares the crap out of you when they're about to pull the strip. 

Also, you should probably be aware that they wax everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING. 

If I had decided to name this story according to the part of it that scarred me the most, it would not be "That Time Oose and I Decided to Wax Our Own Genitalia."  It would be "That Time A Stranger Touched My Asshole."

5 comments:

  1. I'm laughing so hard right now at your expense. I probably shouldn't, but it was too difficult not too, especially after the last paragraph. :P

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  2. WTH. At home Brazilians? You two kill me! Lmao.

    I did get a real brazilian once, complete with a chatty lady who did not explain that I needed to go back two more times for smoothness. Not knowing that, I went home pretty pissed off because, well, it wasn't very nice looking! There were little patches of tiny short hairs, and red bumps everywhere. I felt like I had wasted quite a bit of money. At the same time, I always wondered how the girls in porn got to be so smooth. Thank you for telling me about the 3 time thing, because now I know. Haha.
    Wow.
    What a strange post and comment.

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  3. Haha! Oh, the last sentence was my favorite. I had no idea about the three time thing either. This might be an odd question but I feel like it relates to the beginning of your story, was the lady that waxed you and your friend in the end Vietnamese?

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  4. @Tiffany-- You're welcome. Now that I can sit down again it's just a really funny story. :)

    @Patty-- I know; it was a terrible idea. At least I didn't think it was going to go well from the beginning? If she hadn't explained everything so well I would have been pissed when I left, too.

    @Cheryl-- I didn't even realize I hadn't clarified that point! No, she was not Vietnamese. Or from any kind of Asian heritage. She was just a white woman.

    I did just remember, however, that I didn't mention the other really weird thing she did. She would make us look at the hairs in the wax on the cotton strips after she pulled them out and marvel at how healthy they were. I just kept wondering how a person might have damaged pubic hair.

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