I was thinking about assumptions during my drive to work this morning.
This young guy (I love how I say that like I’m old) drove past me. I looked up at him and automatically assumed something about him. He was a douchebag.
Generally I don’t hold anything against people until I know them because I know what it’s like to be judged by your appearance. But I thought I'd list a few of the assumptions I make about people who I have no chance in meeting.
Now you’re going to know what a terrible person I am.
I assume…
A dude wearing big white sunglasses: douchebag.
A dude driving a giant-ass truck: douchebag with a small penis.
Guys whose vehicle has testicles hanging below the trailer hitch: super douchebags.
Guys who drive a giant-ass truck with testicles hanging below the trailer hitch: homophobic double douchebags with miniscule penises.
Guys wearing Tapout merchandise: douchebags.
Guys wearing Tapout merchandise with big white sunglasses: double douchebags.
Guys with tattoos: cool.
Guys with ICP tattoos: stupid douchebags.
Girls who are skinnier than me: stupider than I am.
Girls who drive expensive vehicles: boyfriend/dad must be old and rich.
Girls with straight, fake blonde hair: stupid whores.
Girls who wear giant sunglasses (especially white): whores.
Girls who wear Tapout merchandise: have a boyfriend who is a douchebag.
Girls who wear Tapout merchandise and giant (white) sunglasses: whores with douchebag boyfriends… Or a pack of men she fucks on occasion. Who are douchebags.
Girls wearing low-cut shirts and tight pants/shorty-shorts: whores (I feel like this one's a given).
Girls younger than me with kids in the mall: bad parents/stupid whores. (Note that I usually only think this if their child is running around a store pretending to fly or something.)
Really skinny women older than me: meth addicts.
People with COEXIST stickers on their cars: probably pretty cool.
People with Clinton stickers on their cars: probably like oral sex/pornography. A lot. Also, old.
People with a shit-ton of stickers on their cars: idiots.
People who don’t park well: inconsiderate idiots.
People driving slower than I want to: old.
People with those stickers that represent each member of their family on the back window of their vehicle: troubled home-life.
People with damage on their vehicle (big dents, missing bumpers): bad drivers.
You get the picture.
I probably shouldn’t be allowed in public. Especially the mall. Ever again.
