Settling In.

I unpacked my last box yesterday.  It was a beautiful thing.  Now I just need to find somewhere to recycle the cardboard and take out all the trash bags.

I have a ton of shit.

I never want to move again.

But I will.  One day I'm sure I'll be living in a little shit-box apartment in San Francisco or Chicago trying to make a living as an opera choruster.

Or I'll be an accountant.

I'm feeling much better about things.  I love my house and my roommates.  My room is organized and uncluttered (mostly).  I think I'm going to be okay in my classes.  My voice lesson times are pinned down and I even have a deal with my roommate that we'll go to the gym together three times per week. 

Moving was tough, though.

I hadn't sorted through most of my things since I moved out of my apartment and I had to deal with all those sort of residual feelings that still hadn't been exorcised.  Last Monday night I packed and listened to Adele's album 21 for a good three hours at least.  I spent much of the time weeping.  Music is such a powerful thing and can affect me like nothing else in the world has the ability to do.  Sometimes I can relate to it far too well.

I kept finding little things Bambi had given me or I'd saved from the time I was with him while I was unpacking.  Most all of it is torn up and/or in the garbage now.  The Cork is there where it belongs.  I probably should have burned it, but I don't have a barbeque.    The clothes are in a bag that I'll be taking to Goodwill soon because they are in good shape and some of them are pretty nice.  Plus, poor people can always use sweatshirts. 

There's only one item I'm not throwing out.






It's silver and definitely old.  When he gave it to me he told me it had been his grandmother's jewelery box.  She was the only woman I ever felt he had more love for than me.  She was the only woman I think he ever respected. 

I can't bring myself to throw it away because it's too nice.  I don't feel right giving it to Goodwill yet because it represents a relationship I had with a woman I unfortunately was never able to meet during her lifetime, but who I feel was there with me through many of the terrible things I've experienced in the last few years, especially with him.  I would not be the person I am today without her.

However, it was still a gift from him.

So my plans for it look a little like this:



I can blow these up for days and never run out, thanks to the Women's Clinic in Redding and their insistence on giving me a lunch sack full of condoms every time I went to get birth control or a bv check.  And this made me happier than using it as a candy dish or q-tip holder.

I feel like I really am finally free.  I think that's why it doesn't hurt to get rid of all these things anymore.  I just don't want them around because I will get tired of being reminded of him.  There is so much more in store for me than wasting my life on someone that...  Pointless.

Please excuse me while I take out the rest of my trash.

Out with the old, in with the new mentality. 




Oh, and by the way, I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with my new life.

But It Feels Like My Eyes Are Shut.

It's hot in my house tonight. 

I was sweating while trying to print stuff earlier.  Which, by the way, is kind of a pain in the ass right now.  I thought I had my printer fixed after purchasing new ink and installing new drivers to my laptop.  And it works perfectly...  As long as I only have to print in color.  It's kinda sketchy looking if I have to print anything black.  And by sketchy I mean it doesn't wanna. 

This would be fine if the one thing I really needed to print wasn't blank music paper.

I'm almost through my first week of University. 

So far it's been a mix of completely amazing/exciting and incredibly frustrating.  The end result was that I took two naps this week.

I moved to Modesto only a week ago.  It feels like I've been here a month already.  I've hardly had any free time.  And what little free time I do have has pretty much been spent unpacking, cleaning the kitchen, or hanging out with the roomies. I'm almost completely done unpacking; there's just my box of dvds that I don't know what to do with.  They may end up under my AMAZING bed.  After maybe I'll post pictures of my room. 

Either that or I'll go to Santa Cruz for the weekend and forget completely.

Sleep Blogging.

Dear Blogland,

I thought I should probably check in.  It feels like it's been a while. 

So, I'm finally moved into my new house with my amazing roommates.  I've been here officially for four days.  I feel as if it's been weeks-- in a good way.  An excellent way.

Friday night one of my best friends in the world came to stay a night and help me unpack.  She didn't leave until today.  We did almost no unpacking.  You should see my room.  It's terrible. 

Side note:  I really wanted to be super organized and unpacked by the time school started (tomorrow).  I failed miserably; most of my clothing is still in the bags and boxes it's been packed in for over a week, which are all sitting on my obviously chaotic bedroom floor.  And you know what?  I don't care.  For the first time in a long time, my neurotic and anal-retentive self doesn't give a fuck.

I feel amazing.

I know it will get done in the next couple of days and I'm okay with that.  I had a lot of errands I had to do and a lot of experiences I would have missed out on by being a fuddy-duddy at home with my clothes.

My bed is set up and beautiful.  My furniture is all in the right places.  I have my stereo hooked up and the rest of the house has been done forever.  My roommates are amazing.  And it's awesome to feel so comfortable and at-home in our space.  I love it.

Today we took a road trip to San Francisco to see the opera in the park at Stern Grove.  I have never been.  It was FABULOUS.

The park was ridiculously beautiful, full of Eucalyptus trees and green grass, and the singers were beautiful people with beautiful voices.

Plus, we got to meet up with an old friend from our "high school" days (one day I should probably explain to you all how I spent high school) for some laughs and good food at Pizza Orgasmica.

All in all, I think I'm starting off my university experience perfectly.

Just perfectly.

Excuse me... What?

So, yesterday I moved most of my stuff.  Today, I'm in denial about all the stuff I still have to go through and pack up; the stuff I'm not taking that needs to go into storage or something.  Therefore, I've been sitting on the couch most of the day thinking, trying not to nap, and watching bad tv because I'm too lazy to pick up the other remote and put Netflix on.

Right now I'm starting what appears to be a Sex and the City marathon on the Style network.  Which, despite my love for Sex and the City, I only started watching because I got sucked into Tia and Tamara.

I just can't resist reality shows based on former child stars I liked when I was a child myself.  In this case, Sister/Sister.

Then I saw this commercial.

I realize I'm not watching the Disney channel or anything.  But, seriously?


Awkward.


I just saw this commercial, though.  Much better.  Now if only someone could force a couple doughnuts down the throats of all Victoria's Secret models.

Grouch.

You know why you should never go to bed mildly upset with someone?

Because when you wake up you will be super angry at that person.  And every other thing on the planet for the fact that it remotely relates to that person.  And yourself for letting that person get under your skin in the first place.

Damn You, Apfel.

I used to be pretty good at operating cell phones.  I could pick up another person's phone and use it for stuff if I needed to.  Even when I had the touchscreen Samsung Eternity I could still figure out how to text, take pictures, and make calls with other phones. 

Trying to use an iPhone while I had the Eternity was pretty awesome, by the way.  My brother convinced me to try to operate his 3g.  I just remember clicking something I didn't mean to and freaking out.  "How do I get out?  Where's the back button?  Why's there no back button?  WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE FUCKING BUTTON?!  WHATDOIDOHOLYJESUSI'MSOCONFUSED?!!!"

Then I upgraded my phone for an iPhone 4.  Which seemed to take forever to get used to.  And texting while driving was pretty much impossible, unlike the Motorola Razr, which had a small silicone spacer in between each of the keys so I didn't even have to look at the phone while I was texting.

Stupid Apple, trying to make me a safer driver.

After having the iPhone for a couple weeks I became depressingly dependent on it.  I forgot it once.  At home.  On my bed.  It sat there alone for a few hours doing nothing while I freaked about about possible not being able to immediately Google whatever my quasi-A.D.D./full-blown O.C.D. decided I needed to know RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT. 

It's not that I feel I need my phone around me every second of every day.  It's that I feel completely lost without it near me, probably making me radioactive and giving me brain cancer.  Also, I am of a generation that has become pretty used to near-instant gratification. 

I mean, work is hard, yo.  Why do I need to read a book when I can just watch the tv mini-series on showtime and write a paper based on Sparknotes.  (I'm just making fun of people in my generation and younger; I totally love reading books.  To the point where I will read a book so I can watch the movie based on the book and complain about how they destroyed everything I loved about the story.)

That reminds me, I need to take two boxes of books to the used bookstore later.  Unless anyone wants them...  Hint.  Hint.

I realized exactly how spoiled I am as an iPhone user when I got my work phone last week.  I have a personal cell phone now (my iPhone) and a work cell phone (a Blackberry) since I'll be working remotely, meaning still doing close to the same job I am now, just from my house in Modesto.

I had to call to activate the cell phone, which isn't a big deal.  I've had to do it for other employees before. I just joke around with the dry person I get at Sprint until they laugh, then wait for them to act all awkward because Sprint records their calls.  It makes a mundane task entertaining.

At the end of the setup, I am asked to call a number with the Blackberry to complete the activation process. 

No biggie.

Except there are buttons on this phone.  Lots of little tiny buttons.  The letter buttons have numbers on them.  And when I touch the screen nothing happens.  I have to use a joystick thing to do anything on the screen.

I have absolutely no idea how to dial out.

When I type on the numbers it plugs the letters into a search engine.

The guy that I got was nice enough.  But no help at all. He had a Droid.  Me being an iPhone user, that should have made us mortal enemies.  Luckily, though, we were both cool enough not to let that affect our working relationship.  Of course, he had no idea how to operate a Blackberry, either, and just kept waiting a few seconds before asking, "Did you get it yet?" again.

I finally gave up, pressed the right number buttons in the right order to dial the activation line, and pressed the green "send" button.  Which worked.  Thank God.  Because I was out of ideas by that point.

I had my email set up and three games of sudoku won before I fully understood how to dial out. 

Obviously, Apple has ruined me for any other fruit.

I mean...  Cell phone.

I'm Too Tired to Edit This. Or Think of a Witty Title.

I feel like such a bad blogger lately.  

Between trying to get ready to move my stuff next weekend and tying up all my loose ends for work so my boss can find things while I’m gone, I just haven’t given much thought to writing.  I haven’t even been going out that much. 

I’m tired all the time.  I’m stressed out.  I feel as if I’m barely functioning.

I wish there was a packing fairy that could sort through all my crap for me. 

Speaking of sorting through my crap, if anyone is in need of books, I have a ton of them.  I sorted through all my books Sunday and I have a giant box of books to either give away or take to a used bookstore.  I have a few textbooks, as well, but most of them are from my last round at college and are more than five years old.

I have a few shoes and articles of clothing I am parting with, as well. 

That’s pretty much as far as I’ve made it. 

Okay, honestly, I haven’t been packing so much as thinking about packing.  I went through a couple categories of items this weekend in a big burst of “let’s get this shit done.”  Then I lost it Sunday night.  The last two days I’ve spent watching old movies and crocheting while trying to avoid packing altogether. 

I did do some laundry yesterday.  I’m proud of myself for that. 

And I watched An Affair to Remember for the first time. I cried.  Just a little bit.  At the end.  Because I was talking when the actual sad part happened. 

I know what I should be doing.  I just hate packing and living out of boxes.  So I’m putting it off.

In other news, I did not know that a roadrunner was actually a type of bird.  I thought it was just the cartoon character’s name and it was a really fast weird-looking turkey or something. 

Imagine my surprise.